The Beginning

My Mental State:
I normally never make resolutions. I think, like most people, the fear of failing overwhelms me before the actual process of giving something up (or starting something) begins. I am notoriously stubborn and this applies to my staunch political positions as well as my inability to change myself. But not this year. I have decided that at the age of 23, 1.5 years in to law school, and 140ish pounds, I am going to start this next decade and phase of my life as healthier version of myself. Health to me means physical, spiritual and emotional well-being. As such, my resolutions are a mix of attainable and abstract and important and trivial. Most I came up with by myself. Others were kindly suggested by my boyfriend Bobby. Others still have been lifelong pet peeves of my mom. All will be attempted and hopefully achieved by 2011.

Jane's 10 Resolutions in '10"
1. Lose 20 Pounds . . . And Keep It Off for a Year
Since my senior prom in high school I have struggled to maintain my weight at a consistent, healthy weight. Since I am only 5' 2''-ish, it takes only a few pounds of excess weight to turn me from this:

to this:

I would like to prove to myself (and my mom) that I can actually lose the weight and keep it off. I plan to use the South Beach Diet to lose an initial 10-12 pounds and a mix of exercise and portion control to keep it off.

2. Pray Everyday
I used to be an avid prayer. And I used to be a lot more at peace about things. For me, taking moments every day and reminding myself of how small I am and big God is really puts things in perspective. Recognizing where I have gone wrong that day or how blessed I really am allows me to stop thinking of myself and instead focus on how I can serve others around me. Knowing that God is in charge of each little detail of my life helps me let go and relax, trusting that He has it under control. Hopefully, getting back to praying regularly will help me be a little less anxious and more steady than I was this last semester.

3. Blog at least Once a Week
This resolution fills two main goals. One is that I really enjoy writing and second is that I need something to keep me accountable. Hopefully, by having to actually report weekly on how I am doing I may get the willpower to resist gnawing off my nails or eating all the hersheys kisses filling my candy bowl.

4. Stop Biting My Nails
I have had this unsightly habit for as long as I can remember. I am a fairly anxious person and I have a habit of biting my nails whenever I get nervous or bored. Both of which seem to happen simultaneously in a law school classroom. As such, I barely make it through the first week of a new semester without having very chewed nails. To help with this goal, I am going to be allowing myself to get a manicure every two weeks because if I pay for someone to actually paint and maintain my nails I am less likely to bite them.

5. Stop Cussing
When I first became a Christian in high school I eradicated all cuss words from my language. It took exactly one month and I remember such a feeling of self-satisfaction that I was able to transform my vocabulary. In college, however, all those words that I had forgotten how to use came creeping back and I have found myself using them all too often. I tend to cuss when I am angry, irritated or just feeling a little irreverent about something. Now, as a transition from being a lowly law student to being a real professional I find that my language could pose a problem if I can't keep it under control in certain settings. Also, I tend to find people who resort to cuss words sound less intelligent and more irrational - traits that I have no desire to be associated with. Therefore, I resolve to stop using all socially inappropriate words (the f-bomb, d-word, and s-word). My goal right now is to transition from the cuss words themselves to a neutral replacement word (I may use the word 'cuss' ala the movie Mr. Fantastic Fox) and then to try and purge that word as well.

6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
I live off of loans, charitable donations, and summer work savings. Most of my budget is pretty consistent (rent, utilities, car payment) but other aspects can fluctuate depending on how spendy I am that week (groceries, clothing, random Target purchases). I don't really have specific goals or reasons that I need to be saving but I feel like I waste a lot of money on stuff I don't need (read: one more bottle of pink/red/coral nail polish). Thus, in order to groom my habits so that I when I do actually have a reason to save or less of the federal government's higher education money to spend, I will know how to tighten my belt. Thus, I resolve to resist making at least one purchase a week that I don't need.

7. Go on Dates
This one was actually suggested by Bobby. I attempted to start date nights at the beginning of last semester. We made it two weeks before the mutual business, laziness and our inability to plan got the best of us. But we have decided to reinstate them, even if we stay in. I am very excited to get dressed up and anticipate a nice evening or afternoon with my love.

8. Expand My Pallet
I mean this in both a culinary sense and in a more general sense as well. This one was suggested by Bobby, mostly because he thinks it will be hilarious to make me try things that I don't like. Suggestions include learning to like olives, cottage cheese, artichokes, trying blue and other 'stinky' cheeses, rollercoasters, scary movies and running outdoors. Because this resolution will force me out of my comfort zone I have placed Bobby in charge of finding one thing a month that I have to try. I maintain that I don't have to actually like it or enjoy it, but that I must clear myself of all presupposed notions and embrace the experience with an open mind. I am hoping this will make me a little less stubborn, a little more open-minded and a lot more fun to be around.

9. Be More Emotionally Honest
Bobby, the bf, will happily tell you that I am a emotionally constipated person. It's not that I don't have emotions or that I don't let them show ever, but I do tend to self-edit the way I feel and how I communicate about my feelings. I think I do this because I am afraid of how the people around me would react if I was truly honest about the way I felt. I have a perfection-complex and I tend to edit away any emotional responses that would cast me in a negative light. In turn I find that sometimes my inability to communicate how I am feeling can lead to more conflict or conflict that can't progress to resolution. This is frustrating for me and even more frustrating for those who love and deal with me. I am still trying to figure out how exactly to work on changing this. Hopefully further updates will reveal my method.

10. Be Available to Friends and Family
I will freely admit that I am a dirty little call screener. I have found myself on more than one occasion choosing to ignore a call from a friend or a family member simply because I can't be bothered to interrupt my life to deal with theirs. It is incredibly selfish and something I am not proud of. Therefore, I resolve to pick up phone calls, answer emails, write back on facebook walls, etc. Hopefully this availability will extend from just telecommunications and actually help me be a better person to those around me.

Wish me luck!