1. Lose 20 Pounds and Keep It Off for a Year
I have lost 5 pounds so far. I was definitely hoping to be a little bit further along this after 3 full weeks of dieting. However, I switched in to phase 2 of the South Beach Diet which always seems to give me problems. Also, I am having a hard time getting to cook all my meals with law school starting back up. Therefore, I resort to eating weird things, like poached eggs instead of dinner or just handfuls of turkey and a cheese stick. I think a major problem is what time I eat. I have been eating dinner around 9 or 10 o'clock because Bobby has been working really late nights. Most nights he doesn't get back to our side of town until 10 or 11 and try to wait as long as I can to eat dinner so I can eat with him. But I think it is bad for me to wait that long because while waiting I snack. I snack on things that I am allowed but I probably end up eating a lot more stuff than if I just ate dinner at a normal time and I had time to burn some of it off before I went to bed.
Last week I was succesful in making it to the gym three times though. I did the elliptical, bike and lifted weights and was definitely feeling the burn. I think this helped me justify the extra snacks, however, so I need to rethink when I am going to the gym and whether that really should allow me any extra food.
Goal this week: I would really like to lose another 3 pounds by this time next week. I plan to go back to phase 1 except for allowing myself one piece of fruit a day as my pre-workout snack. If I don't workout, then I don't get the fruit. Hopefully my going back to strict low-carb, low-fat, I will see a little more weight loss this coming week.
I also hit the point emotionally, which I do everytime I am on a diet, where I just kind of don't care anymore. I start to think about all the things that I am missing on my diet and my brain starts reminding me how vapid, shallow and vain my obsession with losing weight is. I am a smart, successful, driven and normally self-confident woman. It is almost antithetical to my personality to be this consumed with inches and pounds. I tried really hard to talk myself out of this mood and forced myself to go to the gym instead of moping. It sort of worked, but I have a feeling this mood will be creeping back in later this week.
2. Pray Every Day
I feel like a pretty big failure on this one too. With law school starting back up, I have found myself pushing this back to late at night again and falling asleep mid-prayer or making them very short and sweet so that I can get to bed. My plan this week is to pray twice a day -- when I drive to school and when I leave school. It takes roughly 17 minutes to school or back and most of the time I sit there thinking stupid thoughts about freshman drivers or what my plan for the day or evening is. Instead, I am going to put on a little worship music and try praying, with my eyes open so that I won't die in a fiery inferno crossing broadway. I'll let you know if it helps me become a less aggressive, pleasant driver.
3. Blog at least once a week
A few hours late on this one. I think I was embarrassed about not really doing to well with the weight loss and prayer this week and so the last thing I wanted to do was admit to the world that I had hit that wonderful resolution plateau where you get really sick of all the changes you are trying to implement. But alas, my mom wrote on my facebook wall and like remembering to pick up my wet towels off the floor when I lived at home, guilt set in and I finally succumbed.
4. Stop Biting My Nails
Again, doing okayish with this one. Back in class, which is where I always bit my nails to oblivion, I am now still putting my nails near my mouth and I find myself going to bite them and stopping just short of actually doing it. I am basically terrified in most of classes of being called on. Despite the fact that I do my reading and am at the top of my class, I have continual panic attacks during any class in which it is likely I could get called on. As such I am nervous and need something to do with my nervous energy. The last three semesters it has been biting my nails. Now, it is simply putting my nails near my mouth. Still gross, but making progress. Maybe I should try bringing a stress ball to class with me.
5. Stop Cussing
I am doing pretty good with this one. I am surprised how when you stop saying the words you aren't supposed to, they stop coming to mind. I did slip up today when I dropped a giant bag of groceries just as I came in my apartment door because I couldn't hold on to them anymore and my stupid lock is sticky and I was just plain annoyed. I dropped the f-bomb. Luckily no one else was around and I immediately felt terrible. Need to get that darn lock fixed because it seems to incite a lot of anger in me.
6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
My frugal decision this week was to not purchase the grey version of a very cute sleeveless blouse that I already have in navy. Granted the first time I wore the navy blouse I got a ton of compliments and the grey one was equally cute. But it is a very specific style and if ruffles stop being in style then it would have been a wasted purchase. So reluctantly I left it to someone else to discover on the Gap sale rack.
7. Go on Dates
Bobby's aforementioned work schedule has limited this. It was our three year anniversary this weekend but we weren't really able to properly celebrate it. However, we are planning to make up for it this coming weekend. We do have a spring break trip to Rome coming up which I like to think is our real three year anniversary celebration and any dates that get delayed now will be made up for in our week in Italy in March!
8. Expand My Pallet
Waiting on Bobby for my next challenge. Feel free to suggest things you think I should try next month in the comments.
9. Be More Emotionally Honest
Still working on the idea I came up with last week about figuring out what I want. I haven't had much time this week to figure out what I want. I think getting more prayer time in is going to help me see what I want through God's eyes and according to His plan, which ultimately is the better way to think about my future.
10. Be available to Friends and Family
I tried to respond to all text messages to the best of my ability this week and pick up the phone when called. I think I was as available as anyone really needed me to be this week!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Week 2 - Update 1
1. Lose 20 Pounds . . . And Keep It Off for a Year
I have lost 3 pounds so far. I have not had any real moments of cheating other than a little piece of pita bread when I made delicious greek chicken and homemade tzatziki. I feel a lot better than I did just 9 days ago and can already feel that my middle area is getting a little lighter and tighter!
Hopefully I can keep it going!
2. Pray Every Day
I have started using A.W. Tozer's Pursuit of God book to help me get my thoughts ready for prayer. Also, after each chapter of the book there is a prayer
written by Tozer which is very helpful when you, like me, feel your prayers are a little uneloquent. I haven't yet managed to get a really great prayer accomplished every day but I feel like it is becoming less foreign to me again. With school starting I am worried that this is going to become less of a priority as I go back to my routine of finishing and beginning my day with a textbook in my hands and head. Maybe I should be taking that religion and the constitution class after all?
3. Blog at least Once a Week
Again, I'm awesome at this one.
4. Stop Biting My Nails
So far so good. Only problem is that now my nails are starting to get longish and I keep scratching my face on accident when I try to push up my glasses or tuck my hair behind my ears. I am treating myself to a manicure tomorrow so I can get them trimmed up and looking nice for school starting on Monday!
5. Stop Cussing
This one has been the hardest because it is often a subconscious reaction to things I find funny or frustrating or painful. (like the scratching myself in the face with new long nails). But I think I am making progress because instead of just remembering after I say it, I am remembering as I say it. I currently am a half-cusser. I say a lot of shi-take and fu-dge. But I feel like I am getting there.
6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
Not sure what that is going to be yet. I haven't made any spendy purchases this week but I also haven't really had a chance to be frugal.
7. Go on Dates
Bobby and I were supposed to go look at dogs at Petsmart on Saturday.
We mutually rescheduled for Sunday after Bobby had to go into work and I needed to get some work on my draft. So on Sunday we went for a nice little afternoon date to Petsmart and the Scottsdale mall. At Petsmart the Humane Society only had two dogs but one of them was Bobby's dream dog. Kravitz, not a 
very cute name, was a very cute dog. He was a seven month old siberian husky mixed with a labrador. As soon as the Humane Society volunteers opened the door on his crate, he ran out jumped up and started licking Bobby's face. It was like a scene from a movie. So we played with Kravitz for just long enough to seriously consider how cruel it would to make him live in an apartment. And then we walked away and Bobby made this face:
8. Expand My Pallet
Since I only have to do one thing a month, I am okay on this one too. Bobby did make me eat a bite of his lunch that had olives in it but it was pretty well disguised by cheese and arugula so I couldn't really taste them. Phew. I really hate the taste of olives. We never ate them in my house growing up because my mom didn't like them either. Funny thing about that though is that my mom likes olives now. When she started liking them she said it was because she was officially old. I don't think she is old, but it does make me wonder how much stuff I can make myself learn to like.
9. Be More Emotionally Honest
I decided this week that part of being emotionally honest with other people starts with being emotionally honest with myself. My pastor has this saying that "What you know trumps what you feel." He applies this to mean that emotions can be tricky and fleeting so when you are feeling discouraged or feeling faithless you should remember what you know. You should remember that you know who you are in relation to God and that everything else you know and feel should sort itself out based on that. Therefore knowing who you are in relation to God is what keeps you even-keeled and allows you to weather any storm, no matter how emotional it gets. I think this is very good advice and I try to remind myself of it when I feel my emotions are getting the best of me. However, part of my problem is that I push feelings so far aside that I don't deal with what made me feel that way in the first place. So, I am practicing trying to ask myself what I want. Because what I want determines how I feel. (I realize that I sound incredibly Confucius-like and it is either because I am over-thinking this whole resolution or I have been watching too much of the old NBC show Life which features a cop who practices the art of zen) For example, if I am feeling disappointed about something it is because I wanted something that didn't happen. Or if I am feeling angry it is because something that I didn't want, happened. Therefore to understand and be honest about how I am feeling (angry, disappointed) then I need to know what I wanted (or didn't want). So, I am trying to figure out what I want. And that is a very hard question.
10. Be Available to Friends and Family
Sent some correspondence and a housewarming gift to one of my best friends who recently moved in with her boyfriend; called my mom; cleaned a friend who went away for winter break's apartment before she arrives home; and answered all phone calls (even the ones with mysterious numbers that I didn't know) today. For me, that is success.
I have lost 3 pounds so far. I have not had any real moments of cheating other than a little piece of pita bread when I made delicious greek chicken and homemade tzatziki. I feel a lot better than I did just 9 days ago and can already feel that my middle area is getting a little lighter and tighter!
Hopefully I can keep it going!
2. Pray Every Day
I have started using A.W. Tozer's Pursuit of God book to help me get my thoughts ready for prayer. Also, after each chapter of the book there is a prayer
written by Tozer which is very helpful when you, like me, feel your prayers are a little uneloquent. I haven't yet managed to get a really great prayer accomplished every day but I feel like it is becoming less foreign to me again. With school starting I am worried that this is going to become less of a priority as I go back to my routine of finishing and beginning my day with a textbook in my hands and head. Maybe I should be taking that religion and the constitution class after all?3. Blog at least Once a Week
Again, I'm awesome at this one.
4. Stop Biting My Nails
So far so good. Only problem is that now my nails are starting to get longish and I keep scratching my face on accident when I try to push up my glasses or tuck my hair behind my ears. I am treating myself to a manicure tomorrow so I can get them trimmed up and looking nice for school starting on Monday!
5. Stop Cussing
This one has been the hardest because it is often a subconscious reaction to things I find funny or frustrating or painful. (like the scratching myself in the face with new long nails). But I think I am making progress because instead of just remembering after I say it, I am remembering as I say it. I currently am a half-cusser. I say a lot of shi-take and fu-dge. But I feel like I am getting there.
6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
Not sure what that is going to be yet. I haven't made any spendy purchases this week but I also haven't really had a chance to be frugal.
7. Go on Dates
Bobby and I were supposed to go look at dogs at Petsmart on Saturday.
We mutually rescheduled for Sunday after Bobby had to go into work and I needed to get some work on my draft. So on Sunday we went for a nice little afternoon date to Petsmart and the Scottsdale mall. At Petsmart the Humane Society only had two dogs but one of them was Bobby's dream dog. Kravitz, not a 
very cute name, was a very cute dog. He was a seven month old siberian husky mixed with a labrador. As soon as the Humane Society volunteers opened the door on his crate, he ran out jumped up and started licking Bobby's face. It was like a scene from a movie. So we played with Kravitz for just long enough to seriously consider how cruel it would to make him live in an apartment. And then we walked away and Bobby made this face:
8. Expand My Pallet
Since I only have to do one thing a month, I am okay on this one too. Bobby did make me eat a bite of his lunch that had olives in it but it was pretty well disguised by cheese and arugula so I couldn't really taste them. Phew. I really hate the taste of olives. We never ate them in my house growing up because my mom didn't like them either. Funny thing about that though is that my mom likes olives now. When she started liking them she said it was because she was officially old. I don't think she is old, but it does make me wonder how much stuff I can make myself learn to like.
9. Be More Emotionally Honest
I decided this week that part of being emotionally honest with other people starts with being emotionally honest with myself. My pastor has this saying that "What you know trumps what you feel." He applies this to mean that emotions can be tricky and fleeting so when you are feeling discouraged or feeling faithless you should remember what you know. You should remember that you know who you are in relation to God and that everything else you know and feel should sort itself out based on that. Therefore knowing who you are in relation to God is what keeps you even-keeled and allows you to weather any storm, no matter how emotional it gets. I think this is very good advice and I try to remind myself of it when I feel my emotions are getting the best of me. However, part of my problem is that I push feelings so far aside that I don't deal with what made me feel that way in the first place. So, I am practicing trying to ask myself what I want. Because what I want determines how I feel. (I realize that I sound incredibly Confucius-like and it is either because I am over-thinking this whole resolution or I have been watching too much of the old NBC show Life which features a cop who practices the art of zen) For example, if I am feeling disappointed about something it is because I wanted something that didn't happen. Or if I am feeling angry it is because something that I didn't want, happened. Therefore to understand and be honest about how I am feeling (angry, disappointed) then I need to know what I wanted (or didn't want). So, I am trying to figure out what I want. And that is a very hard question.
10. Be Available to Friends and Family
Sent some correspondence and a housewarming gift to one of my best friends who recently moved in with her boyfriend; called my mom; cleaned a friend who went away for winter break's apartment before she arrives home; and answered all phone calls (even the ones with mysterious numbers that I didn't know) today. For me, that is success.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Scary Truth
I have always been scale-averse. Mostly because I felt like the numbers didn't really matter as long as I still fit into my jeans. However, I decided that part of the reason I end up putting back on weight after I lose it is because I can't see the little pounds creeping back on. I only notice something is wrong when I have to go back to my size 6 jeans (and by size 6, I mean Gap size 6 which is most other brands size 8 or 10).
So, I decided that this time around I need the numbers. Like any good academic I decided that I need all the numbers. After a little Amazon browsing and customer review reading I settled on a digital bathroom scale, a highly recommended body fat loss monitor and an easy-to-use measuring tape. Thanks to Amazon Prime they have all arrived and been used. These things are the fastest ticket to self-esteem loss. I have literally never been so upset about myself in my life. Here is a recap of my afternoon:
The Tape
The measuring tape wasn't too bad because I have nothing to compare against. (Except for Bobby who I convinced to let me measure his thighs to settle an age old debate about whose were bigger . . . thank god, Bobby's were. But by not a very slim margin.) After figuring out that I almost have man-sized thighs, I moved on to all the other vital stats:
Based on these stats I should be size 12, and wear at least a large t-shirt. I am sitting right now in a pair of size 6 long and lean jeans from Gap and a small shirt from American Apparel. Go figure. So, my goal is going to based off of the Ideal measurements which would place me at somewhere between a size 4-6 at Gap and JCrew (at least on their charts!).
The Scale
In more bad news, my new scale is evil. I have not weighed myself on a scale since I was at my doctors office in August. I believe that it was somewhere around 140-142. The new scale has placed me at an exact 150 pounds. This thing reads in .2 pounds but for some reason I am exactly 150. I have never ever in my life imagined that I would weigh this much.
Also, this means that my drivers license could now officially qualify as a fake ID.
My drivers license maintains that I am 5 ft. 1 in. and 110 pounds. This was true . . . when I was a 15 and 7 months old and getting my drivers permit. I am really quite ashamed of this number (the 150, not the glorious days of 110 that remain on my ID) but it is also fairly sobering that regardless of how I feel about it, I really need to get my weight under control to be healthy. So after feeling pretty miserable about this number, the UPS man dropped off the body fat loss monitor. Oh God.
Body Fat Loss Monitor
The description on this thing should have been my first clue: "The Omron HBF-306C Body Fat Analyzer measures your body fat with a gentle, micro electrical current -- don't worry, you won't feel it. The key to long-term exercise success is accurate body fat composition measurement."
Don't worry. I didn't feel it. I did feel the crushing weight of my BMI and body fat being calculated to show that I am on the high end of both. My BMI is 27.7 and my body fat is 32.8%. Here is why that is bad:
- The healthy range for my BMI is: 18.5 - 24.9
- The healthy range for my body fat is: 21.0 - 32.9
So my BMI is definitely too high and my body fat range is just barely within the correct range. Phew. My work is cut out for me. So is cheese.
My Verdict
I am finally facing the cold hard reality that I have major misconceptions about my level of health. I know that I don't do enough exercise and that I have a habit of eating more than I should. But, seeing numbers that basically scream that I am putting myself at risk for serious problems later in my life is a little scary. Part of the problem is that I am sooooo short. I feel like I have a serious disadvantage because in order to be squarely within my healthy BMI I need to be sitting at between 104 - 131 pounds. I will never every get back to under 115 without looking seriously skinny and the reason for that is that I have hips. You know, those things that get nice and wide so we can give birth to babies! Well, I have some pretty serious hips and they are made of BONE. I can't get that to go away. Grrr.
On the bright side, I am only 23 and I know that I have the time to fix my weight and gain control over my health before I get into dangerous territory. And if it means that I will get to go shopping at JCrew without fearing that nothing will fit me that might take some of the pain out of the brutal work ahead. Look forward to hopefully more cheery posts as these numbers start to go down...
So, I decided that this time around I need the numbers. Like any good academic I decided that I need all the numbers. After a little Amazon browsing and customer review reading I settled on a digital bathroom scale, a highly recommended body fat loss monitor and an easy-to-use measuring tape. Thanks to Amazon Prime they have all arrived and been used. These things are the fastest ticket to self-esteem loss. I have literally never been so upset about myself in my life. Here is a recap of my afternoon:
The Tape
The measuring tape wasn't too bad because I have nothing to compare against. (Except for Bobby who I convinced to let me measure his thighs to settle an age old debate about whose were bigger . . . thank god, Bobby's were. But by not a very slim margin.) After figuring out that I almost have man-sized thighs, I moved on to all the other vital stats:
- Neck ---- 12.75 in.
- Chest --- 38 in.
- Biceps --- 12.25 in. (why are these almost the same size as my neck? Is this normal?)
- Waist --- 31.25 in.
- Hips --- 42.50 in.
- Thigh --- 25.50 in.
- Calf --- 15 in. (again, should this be this big?)
Based on these stats I should be size 12, and wear at least a large t-shirt. I am sitting right now in a pair of size 6 long and lean jeans from Gap and a small shirt from American Apparel. Go figure. So, my goal is going to based off of the Ideal measurements which would place me at somewhere between a size 4-6 at Gap and JCrew (at least on their charts!).The Scale
In more bad news, my new scale is evil. I have not weighed myself on a scale since I was at my doctors office in August. I believe that it was somewhere around 140-142. The new scale has placed me at an exact 150 pounds. This thing reads in .2 pounds but for some reason I am exactly 150. I have never ever in my life imagined that I would weigh this much.
Also, this means that my drivers license could now officially qualify as a fake ID.
My drivers license maintains that I am 5 ft. 1 in. and 110 pounds. This was true . . . when I was a 15 and 7 months old and getting my drivers permit. I am really quite ashamed of this number (the 150, not the glorious days of 110 that remain on my ID) but it is also fairly sobering that regardless of how I feel about it, I really need to get my weight under control to be healthy. So after feeling pretty miserable about this number, the UPS man dropped off the body fat loss monitor. Oh God.
Body Fat Loss Monitor
The description on this thing should have been my first clue: "The Omron HBF-306C Body Fat Analyzer measures your body fat with a gentle, micro electrical current -- don't worry, you won't feel it. The key to long-term exercise success is accurate body fat composition measurement."
Don't worry. I didn't feel it. I did feel the crushing weight of my BMI and body fat being calculated to show that I am on the high end of both. My BMI is 27.7 and my body fat is 32.8%. Here is why that is bad:
- The healthy range for my BMI is: 18.5 - 24.9
- The healthy range for my body fat is: 21.0 - 32.9
So my BMI is definitely too high and my body fat range is just barely within the correct range. Phew. My work is cut out for me. So is cheese.
My Verdict
I am finally facing the cold hard reality that I have major misconceptions about my level of health. I know that I don't do enough exercise and that I have a habit of eating more than I should. But, seeing numbers that basically scream that I am putting myself at risk for serious problems later in my life is a little scary. Part of the problem is that I am sooooo short. I feel like I have a serious disadvantage because in order to be squarely within my healthy BMI I need to be sitting at between 104 - 131 pounds. I will never every get back to under 115 without looking seriously skinny and the reason for that is that I have hips. You know, those things that get nice and wide so we can give birth to babies! Well, I have some pretty serious hips and they are made of BONE. I can't get that to go away. Grrr.
On the bright side, I am only 23 and I know that I have the time to fix my weight and gain control over my health before I get into dangerous territory. And if it means that I will get to go shopping at JCrew without fearing that nothing will fit me that might take some of the pain out of the brutal work ahead. Look forward to hopefully more cheery posts as these numbers start to go down...Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Week 1 - Update 1
1. Lose 20 Pounds . . . and Keep it Off for the Year
So far, so good. I went on to Amazon and purchased an electronic bathroom scale and a body measuring tape. Once they arrive (thank you to the Cannavino Amazon Prime Account for the 2-day shipping!) I will post my initial statistics.
I’ve decided that my actual poundage weight is only minimally important to me in comparison to how skinny I can get my arms! For some reason my arms are thing I am most insecure about. I think this has to do with the fact that I live in Arizona and we rarely have them covered. It also has to do with the fact that the law school is located next the residence halls containing a
pproximately 3000 freshman – most of whom are tiny little waiflike girls who only wear tank tops and strut by the law school every day.
Diet day 1 began with throwing away all remaining holiday junk food (cupcakes, potato chips, delicious crackers, full-fat cheese) and printing out m
y fat and skinny motivation pictures on my fridge.
The skinny pictures range from freshman year of undergrad to when I graduated undergrad, both of which have me looking very happy and very cute. My fat pictures are mostly from the last year when summer associate free lunches and law school stressing ganged up on my body.
This didn’t go as well the first day. I had planned to pray before I went to bed, but I also went for my first run (more of a slow jog/walk) in many months and so when my head hit the pillow, my prayer consisted of "Dear Heavenly Father, I know that it has been way too long ... forgive ... snooze.”
3. Blog at least Once a Week
Done. I’m awesome!
4. Stop Biting My Nails
So far so good. I keep going to do it, but so far I can remember not to. But I am still on vacation from school. This one is going to be a real struggle as I start writing the next version of my journal paper (that starts later today BTW).
5. Stop Cussing
I slipped a few times yesterday, but I remembered after I did it every time that I was meant to say cuss. Or Bobby remembered and would subtly remind me that I screwed it up. One time he definitely tricked me into cussing. What a little cusser! Slowly but surely on this one.
6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
I went online yesterday and found soooo much cute stuff on cb2.com, the new Crate and Barrel modern, yuppy design website. I added about $125 worth of stuff to my shopping cart. And then I clicked away. The trick is to not go back later this week and buy it all again. Those darn websites always seem to save your cart forever.
7. Go on Dates
Bobby and I have made a plan to go look at the puppies at Petsmart this weekend. Neither of our apartments or lifestyles would suit a puppy, but we both want one very badly. So to indulge our dog cravings we are going to go look (and we promise not to adopt one) at the rescued puppies. I promise to take pictures of how sad Bobby will look when we leave without one.
8. Expand My Pallet
Bobby decided that running outside was my first challenge.
I will freely admit that I did not do well with this. Aside from my general inability to run very far, I was decidedly negative and bitter during the entire experience. First, Bobby made us a run along the canal path. The path is unlit and I found it a little scary and cold. Then, my insecurities about the fact that I suck at running and that Bobby is good at it and likes to go running kicked in. So, I would say that I did not do to well with being open minded about the experience. But I think once I get my fitness level up a bit, I might be willing to try it again.
9. Be More Emotionally Honest
See above. I did talk to Bobby about my insecurity with running. It took me a long walk home to get the courage to talk about it. But I did. And then Bobby made me feel better about it. I am a lucky girl.
10. Be Available to Friends and Family
Umm... no one called me yesterday. So success on that one I think!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Resolutions that Did Not Make the Cut
These were some resolutions that did not quite make the cut:
- Be more flexible (suggested by Bobby . . . ahem)
- Eat organic (too expensive)
- Watch Fox News (suggested by Bobby . . . couldn't bear the thought of adding to Bill O'Reilly's ratings)
- Buy fewer clothes (nixed by me - if I am losing weight, I get new clothes!)
- Do my law school reading at least one day in advance of class (not even a chance of this happening)
- Take one school day off from wearing makeup (couldn't stand the thought)
- Spend less time in class online browsing (seriously I need something to do sometimes and I think it is less distracting than the guys who watch streaming ESPN)
- Keep my apartment tidy (something that I know that I will not achieve)
- All-bacon diet (didn't want to die of a heart attack at the age of 23)
Monday, January 4, 2010
The Beginning
My Mental State:
I normally never make resolutions. I think, like most people, the fear of failing overwhelms me before the actual process of giving something up (or starting something) begins. I am notoriously stubborn and this applies to my staunch political positions as well as my inability to change myself. But not this year. I have decided that at the age of 23, 1.5 years in to law school, and 140ish pounds, I am going to start this next decade and phase of my life as healthier version of myself. Health to me means physical, spiritual and emotional well-being. As such, my resolutions are a mix of attainable and abstract and important and trivial. Most I came up with by myself. Others were kindly suggested by my boyfriend Bobby. Others still have been lifelong pet peeves of my mom. All will be attempted and hopefully achieved by 2011.
Jane's 10 Resolutions in '10"
1. Lose 20 Pounds . . . And Keep It Off for a Year
Since my senior prom in high school I have struggled to maintain my weight at a consistent, healthy weight. Since I am only 5' 2''-ish, it takes only a few pounds of excess weight to turn me from this:
to this:
I would like to prove to myself (and my mom) that I can actually lose the weight and keep it off. I plan to use the South Beach Diet to lose an initial 10-12 pounds and a mix of exercise and portion control to keep it off.
2. Pray Everyday
I used to be an avid prayer. And I used to be a lot more at peace about things. For me, taking moments every day and reminding myself of how small I am and big God is really puts things in perspective. Recognizing where I have gone wrong that day or how blessed I really am allows me to stop thinking of myself and instead focus on how I can serve others around me. Knowing that God is in charge of each little detail of my life helps me let go and relax, trusting that He has it under control. Hopefully, getting back to praying regularly will help me be a little less anxious and more steady than I was this last semester.
3. Blog at least Once a Week
This resolution fills two main goals. One is that I really enjoy writing and second is that I need something to keep me accountable. Hopefully, by having to actually report weekly on how I am doing I may get the willpower to resist gnawing off my nails or eating all the hersheys kisses filling my candy bowl.
4. Stop Biting My Nails
I have had this unsightly habit for as long as I can remember. I am a fairly anxious person and I have a habit of biting my nails whenever I get nervous or bored. Both of which seem to happen simultaneously in a law school classroom. As such, I barely make it through the first week of a new semester without having very chewed nails. To help with this goal, I am going to be allowing myself to get a manicure every two weeks because if I pay for someone to actually paint and maintain my nails I am less likely to bite them.
5. Stop Cussing
When I first became a Christian in high school I eradicated all cuss words from my language. It took exactly one month and I remember such a feeling of self-satisfaction that I was able to transform my vocabulary. In college, however, all those words that I had forgotten how to use came creeping back and I have found myself using them all too often. I tend to cuss when I am angry, irritated or just feeling a little irreverent about something. Now, as a transition from being a lowly law student to being a real professional I find that my language could pose a problem if I can't keep it under control in certain settings. Also, I tend to find people who resort to cuss words sound less intelligent and more irrational - traits that I have no desire to be associated with. Therefore, I resolve to stop using all socially inappropriate words (the f-bomb, d-word, and s-word). My goal right now is to transition from the cuss words themselves to a neutral replacement word (I may use the word 'cuss' ala the movie Mr. Fantastic Fox) and then to try and purge that word as well.
6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
I live off of loans, charitable donations, and summer work savings. Most of my budget is pretty consistent (rent, utilities, car payment) but other aspects can fluctuate depending on how spendy I am that week (groceries, clothing, random Target purchases). I don't really have specific goals or reasons that I need to be saving but I feel like I waste a lot of money on stuff I don't need (read: one more bottle of pink/red/coral nail polish). Thus, in order to groom my habits so that I when I do actually have a reason to save or less of the federal government's higher education money to spend, I will know how to tighten my belt. Thus, I resolve to resist making at least one purchase a week that I don't need.
7. Go on Dates
This one was actually suggested by Bobby. I attempted to start date nights at the beginning of last semester. We made it two weeks before the mutual business, laziness and our inability to plan got the best of us. But we have decided to reinstate them, even if we stay in. I am very excited to get dressed up and anticipate a nice evening or afternoon with my love.
8. Expand My Pallet
I mean this in both a culinary sense and in a more general sense as well. This one was suggested by Bobby, mostly because he thinks it will be hilarious to make me try things that I don't like. Suggestions include learning to like olives, cottage cheese, artichokes, trying blue and other 'stinky' cheeses, rollercoasters, scary movies and running outdoors. Because this resolution will force me out of my comfort zone I have placed Bobby in charge of finding one thing a month that I have to try. I maintain that I don't have to actually like it or enjoy it, but that I must clear myself of all presupposed notions and embrace the experience with an open mind. I am hoping this will make me a little less stubborn, a little more open-minded and a lot more fun to be around.
9. Be More Emotionally Honest
Bobby, the bf, will happily tell you that I am a emotionally constipated person. It's not that I don't have emotions or that I don't let them show ever, but I do tend to self-edit the way I feel and how I communicate about my feelings. I think I do this because I am afraid of how the people around me would react if I was truly honest about the way I felt. I have a perfection-complex and I tend to edit away any emotional responses that would cast me in a negative light. In turn I find that sometimes my inability to communicate how I am feeling can lead to more conflict or conflict that can't progress to resolution. This is frustrating for me and even more frustrating for those who love and deal with me. I am still trying to figure out how exactly to work on changing this. Hopefully further updates will reveal my method.
10. Be Available to Friends and Family
I will freely admit that I am a dirty little call screener. I have found myself on more than one occasion choosing to ignore a call from a friend or a family member simply because I can't be bothered to interrupt my life to deal with theirs. It is incredibly selfish and something I am not proud of. Therefore, I resolve to pick up phone calls, answer emails, write back on facebook walls, etc. Hopefully this availability will extend from just telecommunications and actually help me be a better person to those around me.
Wish me luck!
I normally never make resolutions. I think, like most people, the fear of failing overwhelms me before the actual process of giving something up (or starting something) begins. I am notoriously stubborn and this applies to my staunch political positions as well as my inability to change myself. But not this year. I have decided that at the age of 23, 1.5 years in to law school, and 140ish pounds, I am going to start this next decade and phase of my life as healthier version of myself. Health to me means physical, spiritual and emotional well-being. As such, my resolutions are a mix of attainable and abstract and important and trivial. Most I came up with by myself. Others were kindly suggested by my boyfriend Bobby. Others still have been lifelong pet peeves of my mom. All will be attempted and hopefully achieved by 2011.
Jane's 10 Resolutions in '10"
1. Lose 20 Pounds . . . And Keep It Off for a Year
Since my senior prom in high school I have struggled to maintain my weight at a consistent, healthy weight. Since I am only 5' 2''-ish, it takes only a few pounds of excess weight to turn me from this:
to this:
I would like to prove to myself (and my mom) that I can actually lose the weight and keep it off. I plan to use the South Beach Diet to lose an initial 10-12 pounds and a mix of exercise and portion control to keep it off.
2. Pray Everyday
I used to be an avid prayer. And I used to be a lot more at peace about things. For me, taking moments every day and reminding myself of how small I am and big God is really puts things in perspective. Recognizing where I have gone wrong that day or how blessed I really am allows me to stop thinking of myself and instead focus on how I can serve others around me. Knowing that God is in charge of each little detail of my life helps me let go and relax, trusting that He has it under control. Hopefully, getting back to praying regularly will help me be a little less anxious and more steady than I was this last semester.
3. Blog at least Once a Week
This resolution fills two main goals. One is that I really enjoy writing and second is that I need something to keep me accountable. Hopefully, by having to actually report weekly on how I am doing I may get the willpower to resist gnawing off my nails or eating all the hersheys kisses filling my candy bowl.
4. Stop Biting My Nails
I have had this unsightly habit for as long as I can remember. I am a fairly anxious person and I have a habit of biting my nails whenever I get nervous or bored. Both of which seem to happen simultaneously in a law school classroom. As such, I barely make it through the first week of a new semester without having very chewed nails. To help with this goal, I am going to be allowing myself to get a manicure every two weeks because if I pay for someone to actually paint and maintain my nails I am less likely to bite them.
5. Stop Cussing
When I first became a Christian in high school I eradicated all cuss words from my language. It took exactly one month and I remember such a feeling of self-satisfaction that I was able to transform my vocabulary. In college, however, all those words that I had forgotten how to use came creeping back and I have found myself using them all too often. I tend to cuss when I am angry, irritated or just feeling a little irreverent about something. Now, as a transition from being a lowly law student to being a real professional I find that my language could pose a problem if I can't keep it under control in certain settings. Also, I tend to find people who resort to cuss words sound less intelligent and more irrational - traits that I have no desire to be associated with. Therefore, I resolve to stop using all socially inappropriate words (the f-bomb, d-word, and s-word). My goal right now is to transition from the cuss words themselves to a neutral replacement word (I may use the word 'cuss' ala the movie Mr. Fantastic Fox) and then to try and purge that word as well.
6. Make One Frugal Decision a Week
I live off of loans, charitable donations, and summer work savings. Most of my budget is pretty consistent (rent, utilities, car payment) but other aspects can fluctuate depending on how spendy I am that week (groceries, clothing, random Target purchases). I don't really have specific goals or reasons that I need to be saving but I feel like I waste a lot of money on stuff I don't need (read: one more bottle of pink/red/coral nail polish). Thus, in order to groom my habits so that I when I do actually have a reason to save or less of the federal government's higher education money to spend, I will know how to tighten my belt. Thus, I resolve to resist making at least one purchase a week that I don't need.
7. Go on Dates
This one was actually suggested by Bobby. I attempted to start date nights at the beginning of last semester. We made it two weeks before the mutual business, laziness and our inability to plan got the best of us. But we have decided to reinstate them, even if we stay in. I am very excited to get dressed up and anticipate a nice evening or afternoon with my love.
8. Expand My Pallet
I mean this in both a culinary sense and in a more general sense as well. This one was suggested by Bobby, mostly because he thinks it will be hilarious to make me try things that I don't like. Suggestions include learning to like olives, cottage cheese, artichokes, trying blue and other 'stinky' cheeses, rollercoasters, scary movies and running outdoors. Because this resolution will force me out of my comfort zone I have placed Bobby in charge of finding one thing a month that I have to try. I maintain that I don't have to actually like it or enjoy it, but that I must clear myself of all presupposed notions and embrace the experience with an open mind. I am hoping this will make me a little less stubborn, a little more open-minded and a lot more fun to be around.
9. Be More Emotionally Honest
Bobby, the bf, will happily tell you that I am a emotionally constipated person. It's not that I don't have emotions or that I don't let them show ever, but I do tend to self-edit the way I feel and how I communicate about my feelings. I think I do this because I am afraid of how the people around me would react if I was truly honest about the way I felt. I have a perfection-complex and I tend to edit away any emotional responses that would cast me in a negative light. In turn I find that sometimes my inability to communicate how I am feeling can lead to more conflict or conflict that can't progress to resolution. This is frustrating for me and even more frustrating for those who love and deal with me. I am still trying to figure out how exactly to work on changing this. Hopefully further updates will reveal my method.
10. Be Available to Friends and Family
I will freely admit that I am a dirty little call screener. I have found myself on more than one occasion choosing to ignore a call from a friend or a family member simply because I can't be bothered to interrupt my life to deal with theirs. It is incredibly selfish and something I am not proud of. Therefore, I resolve to pick up phone calls, answer emails, write back on facebook walls, etc. Hopefully this availability will extend from just telecommunications and actually help me be a better person to those around me.
Wish me luck!
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